I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
