do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
