I feel great
I just peed on a car
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
