I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
