yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
