Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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