how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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