ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
