I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
