Pappa wants mamma naked
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
