I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
