i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
