I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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