i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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