I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
