Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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