At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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