I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
