Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
