remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
