I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Come on in and take your pants off
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