you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
