I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
