I CAN MOONWALK!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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