Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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