He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
