Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
