Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
