I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
