After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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