I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
