even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
