The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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