I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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