How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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