i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
