HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
