I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
