Kiss
Puke
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
