PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
