dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
