Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
