I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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