True but thats because hes a fetus.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
