Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
