i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
