i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Randomize
