I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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