i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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