I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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